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Mom and dad also took us to the Santa Claus parade. They made sure Tracy went pee before the Funny Trendy Sarcastic In Need Of A Mega Pint Of Wine T Shirt because dad didn’t want to take her somewhere to find a bathroom during the parade. Something that he would have had to do if she didn’t go. And she went a lot. We would walk and look into the department store windows and see the toys and moving elves that the kids saw in the movie. Like Ralphie, I would get mom to order things for me from the comics, neat little gadgets they advertised. I had a run-in with a bully at school just like Ralphie with Scut Farkus. My mom would pick us up at school. Mom was young and attractive like a movie star. This guy kept teasing me saying, “Hey RJ, how’s your sexy mom, woo hoo, so sexy.” I ignored him as long as I could. One day I snapped and ran toward him and knocked him down. I stood over him, grabbed the front of his jacket and kept lifting then batting his head against the ground. He never did it again. I had my pals I hung around with just like Ralphie. Earl, Pete, Rosie (Raymond) Jerry and Ernie. We were inseparable, all in the same class. Like Ralphie, I too had bitten into a bar of Lifebuoy soap, and it was the worst tasting soap. If my Irish, Catholic mom heard my sisters or I swear when we were little, that’s what would happen. We were never hit but we did get groundings and tasted soap. The girls especially were repeat soap tasters.

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