Inherent in every human being is the need for self preservation. I get you, the guilt can be damaging but you had to do what you did to protect yourself and Beautiful Matching Family Christmas, Christmas Tribe sweater. Believe you me she understood in her last moments and had nothing but love for you. That is your release. She released you by telling you she loved you. Forgive yourself and embrace that love. The future is bright. Hugs to you.
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Emotional manipulation was the only she did to you maybe was the Beautiful Matching Family Christmas, Christmas Tribe sweater with life but I am sure that in some inkowen to her way she loved you and yes, your feelings are mixed because she send mix messages to you but your life is in question and I’m sure that you can do what ever you want to become…so, love yourself and go on, you are responsible for yours as she was for hers.