Real Santa would invite me over and I would make fat jokes and Pug Tree Christmas shirt and Mrs. Claus would be politically correct and get offended and Santa would make me walk home from the North Pole. Then one foggy Christmas eve, I would go up on my roof with my rifle to wait for him, then blow him out of the sky when I saw Rudolph’s shining nose. In the morning I would get down on my knees and pray to real Jesus for forgiveness, and He would bring Santa back to life and reign for a thousand years as the Prince of Christmas.
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St Nicolas was a real person: however lots of the stories about him just ain’t true. Benjamin Britten wrote a brilliant cantata about him that includes tales of how he leapt from his mother’s womb praising God; calms a Pug Tree Christmas shirt ; and most incredibly, how he suddenly knew how the meat he was about to be served was in fact three pickled boys, whom he commanded to ‘put your fleshly garments on’, and they were brought back to life.