In the afternoon, the Mushroom Mask Pun Mask Room Mushroom Picker T Shirt came to us. Our presentations were more ragged. We made do with humble things we travelers were carrying. “The Nutcracker” played on a tinny Radio Shack boombox. Incompletely wrapped presents (due to a paper shortage) were flung around the backyard because they “fell out of Santa’s sled!” Or so said a hand-scrawled note taped to a 50%-off wooden rooster from Pier 1, dubbed “the Christmas Chicken.” Family dinner was a quasi-Dickensian, if surprisingly delicious, Christmas tuna casserole (covered in Lay’s potato chips). My brother’s wife’s lonely meal that year was oatmeal with rum in it. So she told us months later, when the couple reunited. But from that Christmas on, whenever I see a humble manger scene? I always look closely, in the straw, for cans of tuna. Tsing Loh is a writer, radio humorist and actress. Her Christmas show, “Sugar Plum Fairy,” runs through Sunday at the Skylight Theatre in Los Angeles.
“Night of the Meek” is Christmas Eve. Henry Corwin, a down-and-out ne’er-do-well, dressed in a baggy, worn-out Santa Claus suit, has just spent his last few dollars on a sandwich and six drinks at the neighborhood bar. While Bruce, the bartender, is on the phone, he sees Corwin reaching for the bottle; Bruce throws him out. Corwin arrives for his seasonal job as a department store Santa, an hour late and obviously drunk. When customers complain, Dundee, the manager, fires him and orders him off the premises. Corwin says that he drinks because he lives in a “dirty rooming house on a street filled with hungry kids and shabby people” for whom he is incapable of fulfilling his desired role as Santa. He declares that if he had just one wish granted him on Christmas Eve, he’d “like to see the meek inherit the earth”. Still in his outfit, he returns to the bar but is refused re-entry by Bruce. Stumbling into an alley, he hears sleigh bells. A cat knocks down a large burlap bag full of empty cans; but when he trips over it, it is now filled with gift-wrapped packages. As he starts giving them away, he realizes that the bag is somehow producing any item that is asked for. Overjoyed at his sudden ability to fulfill dreams, Corwin proceeds to hand out presents to passing children and then to derelict men attending Christmas Eve service at Sister Florence’s “Delancey Street Mission House”. Irritated by the disruption and outraged by Corwin’s offer of a new dress, Sister Florence hurries outside to fetch Officer Flaherty, who arrests Corwin for stealing the presents from his former place of employment. At the police station, Dundee reaches into the garbage bag to display some of the purportedly stolen goods, but instead finds the empty cans and the cat.
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