It didn’t like the “tree form” that it had been awakened in; it hated being clumsy. It had spent the Mics Are For Singing Not Swinging T Shirt 3,000 years refining itself. Instead of being a giant oak, it now resembled nothing more or less than a rune-covered wood golem, about 8ft tall and man-shaped, with articulated limbs. As it pared itself down to its own living heartwood, it lost the Awakened Tree trait of “False Appearance” (False Appearance. While the tree remains motionless, it is indistinguishable from a normal tree.) but it could still tap into the same motionlessness; we decided that this meant it had bonuses to stealth on rounds that it hadn’t moved. I used this rather often to break line of sight with enemies, then go totally motionless and prepare an ambush.
At the time of writing, all rolls are done with a Mics Are For Singing Not Swinging T Shirt equal to your character level + relevant ability score modifier, then modified by your proficiency. A character can be Untrained (-4), Trained (+0), Expert (+1), Master (+2), or Legendary (+3). When 2nd edition is fully released these values might change, but this system for Proficiency applies to weapons, armor, skills, and saves. Yes, by the by — even your AC and Touch AC are heavily level-dependent and factor this in, such that your character level is likely to make up a much larger part of your AC than your armor at a certain point. While not many classes actually advance proficiency in armor, Monks notably get Expertise in unarmored defense to start with. It’s worth noting that monsters function based on this system as well, rather than being based on Challenge Rating. You don’t fight a CR 2 monster, you fight a level 2 monster, and as a level 2 monster it will gain a flat +2 bonus to everything, modified by ability score mods and proficiency. This creates a very hard “tiering” effect between combatants of different levels, such that an opponent several levels above you will feel incredibly hard while an opponent as little as a single level below you will feel very easy.
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Emen Bloodbinder the Ruthless of Narfell. Hilariously, the Mics Are For Singing Not Swinging T Shirt of Bloodbinder Orcs is a Kobold. Remember that bit from above about the Bloodbinders stealing children? Well, they stole a clutch of Kobold eggs on an unexpected raid, and Emen was the only one who hatched. (Azuch may or may not have been sent to smash all of the eggs some years back. He didn’t get there in time.) They wanted Kobolds for some of that natural dragon sorcery that a lot of them have, but Emen just wasn’t born with that genetic lottery. He did, however, turn out to be an excellent Enchantment Wizard, and quickly became the golden child of the tribe as a result. It’s gone to his head since then, and he’s ceased working hard in later years. (For anyone who knows Orcish names and is going “Waaaiiit, isn’t Emen a girl’s name?” Yes, and that’s intentional. According to Volo’s, Kobolds can slowly change sex, and Emen has a tendency to do that himself every few years. He likes his name, though, so that never changes.)
The family has moved into their own home now, an older home (still nice, but no high ceilings and not many elf hiding places!), and the children have both multiplied AND grown older, taller, and Mics Are For Singing Not Swinging T Shirt. The Elf game is now the bane of the mom’s existence. Hiding it is a task. Several times this year, the Elf hasn’t had to go back to Santa because the kids were SO good the day before, thus explaining why he remained in the exact same hiding spot as the previous day. One evening, the mom is flustered. She finally hands the Elf to the dad and says, you hide the #%)(#^# elf today, but hide it high, because Big M is testing the waters and going to touch the #%(^#^ thing.” Dad’s answer is less than ideal – not only is the perch precarious, but it’s easily within reach of at least the oldest child, if not the second oldest as well. And it’s possible the elf is also judging the thermostat temp, which is an ongoing passive aggressive battle between mom (who sits at home and freezes all day) and dad (who pays the bills, but also works in his nice warm office all day).