So far, there’s not been another car in either direction on this Let that shit go yoda yoga shirt . Until now. I hear it before I see their lights. As they come round the bend I’m running back to the badger, and I flash my torch at them so they don’t run me over as well. They slow down, I think “thank fuck, someone’s going to help” but as their headlights illuminate me standing over a convulsing badger, brandishing a tyre iron, suddenly there’s a squeak of their tyres on tarmac, and they zoom away at breakneck speed. I couldn’t see the driver very well, but I think it was a young woman. A young woman who has just encountered some madman who spends his weekend evenings murdering mustelids on country lanes. A madman who makes gestures that suggest he would like you to join in.
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By the time I’d processed all of this, the badger was pretty Let that shit go yoda yoga shirt to the end. I knew I didn’t want to have to do it twice, so a decent whack to the temple and it instantly relaxed. I rolled it to the verge with great difficulty, and slowly walked back to my car to replace the tyre iron into its slot under the boot floor. TL;DR: Suicidal badger went under my car, female motorist arrives just as I’m about to put the poor thing out of its misery, assumes I’m a murderer. When my dad was younger he worked for a company that tested tires on different vehicles. They would drive these cars on the highway, trying to keep them as close to 65mph as possible. They were told not to swerve for things in the road. One day a friend of his was driving a Ford Pinto when he came over a small hill and there was a badger in the road. He was told not to swerve and to keep it on 65mph so he hit the badger. Yeah, it totaled the Pinto. The guy later said it felt like he ran over a tree stump.