The I’m a Nurse why Yes I do have time to listen to You shirt is that in recent years, the term “Murder Hobo” has come to mean something else. It’s come to mean something nasty, evil and distasteful. It means someone who is murdering everyone in the campaign for no reason other than being “evil”or something. And the thing is, when is the last time you as a DM ever saw a party of adventurers do that? Probably never. “Murderhoboes” defined in this manner do not exist. They are a boogeyman or a mythical creature told to frighten young DMs so they go to sleep on time after brushing their teeth and eating their vegetables. You might have seen some rowdy players who got even with some bad dudes you put in the campaign, or who killed some people because they had nice magic items (and why not? That’s what adventurers do!), but I’m extremely doubtful you ever came across a bunch of players who were so degenerate that they killed everything in sight.
A lot of the complaints new DMs have is how the players derailed their campaigns and all the I’m a Nurse why Yes I do have time to listen to You shirt work they did. This makes them want to run the next sessions more on rails so their work doesn’t get wasted. This is a mistake and frankly a no-no for any DM. Never get too attached to your scenario and always be prepared to roll with whatever the players are trying to do. Be fair about it. I let the dice decide if their antics and shenanigans work or not, all within reason. Many times my players attempt tricks to avoid combat or make thing easier, but if the roll goes badly or their reasoning wasn’t good enough for me I let them crash and burn. Yet there are times when I even let them have a free dragon kill because their argument was convincing and they rolled good enough.
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Skalacon the Wizard, ‘Curator of magic’: Skalacon is one of the first big NPCs my players meet. He is evil, but he obeys the I’m a Nurse why Yes I do have time to listen to You shirt of the town so he doesn’t get into trouble. He is the ambassador to the Poomij Family so he has diplomatic immunity — you can’t touch a hair on his head (literally, because he is bald) without starting a war among the families; you don’t want that. That’s why people tolerate him.That said, Skalacon can take care of himself. He is a 13th level wizard. My players are about 5th to 9th right now. I keep the powerful (and important) NPCs a nice gap ahead of the players for good reason. Use this simple trick. Skalacon has a Quasit that can cast fear, invisibility and make a poison attack. The party hasn’t killed or even attacked ‘Slimeball’ yet, but if things ever get hairy — Slimeball will intervene first. Slimeball has been seen without Skalacon, causing some havoc and doing his master’s bidding. My players have never bothered him, not yet.
The family has moved into their own home now, an older home (still nice, but no high ceilings and not many elf hiding places!), and the children have both multiplied AND grown older, taller, and I’m a Nurse why Yes I do have time to listen to You shirt. The Elf game is now the bane of the mom’s existence. Hiding it is a task. Several times this year, the Elf hasn’t had to go back to Santa because the kids were SO good the day before, thus explaining why he remained in the exact same hiding spot as the previous day. One evening, the mom is flustered. She finally hands the Elf to the dad and says, you hide the #%)(#^# elf today, but hide it high, because Big M is testing the waters and going to touch the #%(^#^ thing.” Dad’s answer is less than ideal – not only is the perch precarious, but it’s easily within reach of at least the oldest child, if not the second oldest as well. And it’s possible the elf is also judging the thermostat temp, which is an ongoing passive aggressive battle between mom (who sits at home and freezes all day) and dad (who pays the bills, but also works in his nice warm office all day).