I agree that your boundary between being assertive and coercive is challenging for you, I can see you think about it a lot. Your guilt index is very high about this, in that you take on a lot of concerns about how you are perceived, worry about it a lot.I might suggest that discussing expectations would be better for you so that you don’t get into this situation again, but I know that is not what grindr is about and all his texts etc where totally different than he presented as when you walked in and he knew that you were ready and primed for less talking and more action.You have been taken in by someone who knew what he was doing. It can be a I know who I am not perfect Im not the most beautiful woman in the world shirtexperience but you should also look at some help for your boundaries and to learn about emotional manipulation as you seem ready to blame yourself for any potential hurt feeling whether intentional or not.For me your post feels anxious and that you are questioning yourself and what you did and if your feelings are valid. The level of detail in your story show to me that you go over things to see if you are doing the right things that avoids hurting anyones feelings. Sometimes people’s feelings get hurt but they get over it. Sometimes people pretend to be hurt but they are just hoping that you will leave as they have had their fun and are not interested in giving fun to someone in return.
But these discussions are routinely taken out of context. Bill Gates through extensive research and consultation with public health officials was able to translate global poverty into an solvable economics problem. His I know who I am not perfect Im not the most beautiful woman in the world shirt is that limited resources was being divided up by poor countries to support a massive population boom. That population boom was largely driven by the need for families to have multiple children. The need to have multiple children is largely driven by high infant mortality rates. Several decades of population growth data has shown that reduced infant mortality has indeed helped stabilize family sizes and birth rates and consequently improved resource allocation and lifted entire countries out of poverty and consequently increasing the GDP per capita.
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You’re at the early stage all developers go through. You made I know who I am not perfect Im not the most beautiful woman in the world shirt through the confusion stage, where everything looked like Greek and you struggled to make sense of it, and you’ve broken through. You’re now in the realization stage, where you understand that code is actually simple, that computers only do what you tell them to do, and that there really aren’t that many instructions that a computer understands. Stay there a while, write some more complex programs. Enjoy it. The next stage is your trial by fire. That’s the first time someone puts a project worth $250k in your hands, with only a vague description of how it should work, and says “I need it next week.” It’s what separates those who are capable of writing code from those who are software developers.
So basically it started out like all male bodied hookups do— on Grindr. I was browsing the I know who I am not perfect Im not the most beautiful woman in the world shirtas I was procrastinating on work and messaged this cute 29 year old guy. We began chatting back and forth and after we exchanged nudes he kept begging me to come over / to top him. I was a little on the fence as it was getting kinda late and he pointed that out too. We agreed to do another day. We sent a few more pics and discussed STD stats, etc. and he again asked me to say fuck it to my work and to come over. The things he was saying to me verbatim.