The tour guides use the word “distinguished” quite a bit. But Claire is unable to distinguish any of the I Don’t Need Therapy I Just Need More Cows Shirt from the others. They talk about the hundreds of organizations – one for everyone out there, they say. But where is the group of Claires? Or the organization of people-who-think-about-alien-invasions-while-sitting-on-the-toilet? Why don’t any of the universities have a College of Half-Learning-to-Play-Guitar-then-Quitting? She asks the tour guide if there is a major in dad humor, which results in a chorus of laughs. She isn’t joking.
The tour moves on to a statue of some president or benefactor or someone important enough to have a statue. As always, the guide tells of the school’s rich history of tradition, and indicates that students kiss the statues ring for good luck on exams. The other students on the tour line up to give the ring a kiss themselves. “The only ring I’ll kiss is the queen’s,” says Claire. She gives an exaggerated eye roll when she makes eye contact with her mother. The other students send the same look towards Claire.
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