BAYLOR UNIVERSITY: I live by homeless vagrants, whom I turn my nose up to. I look just like everyone else at my school. The NoZe Brothers are the Drink Up Horns Down Tee Shirt thing since khakis and sandals. I have a leather Abercrombie and Fitch Bible cover. I have an Abercrombie and Fitch everything. I can coordinate outfits and ensembles better than anyone in my upscale apartment complex. I have a radar that lets me know where the closest ATM is. If I can’t find one it’s okay. I have ten credit cards all of which are billed to my parents. My town is so conservative that anyone who kisses on the mouth before three years of marriage is drug through the center of town, stoned, and hung to death. I like me. I should be an underwear model.
I learned more of Drink Up Horns Down Tee Shirt and private thoughts than she had ever told my mom. My neighbor would talk of her life while I cleaned for her. I like dogs and our family had a poodle, but my Siamese cat was my constant companion as a child. The Christmas before our neighbor died she gave me these two statues as a Christmas gift. They had sat on her kitchen windowsill since she’d gotten them. She said they reminded her of herself as a girl with her dogs. I have kept these small china figures for many years. They have also sat on the kitchen window sill over my kitchen sink in many different houses over these many years. They remind me of her and of my childhood, too. Just knowing this eccentric old lady taught me much during my childhood.
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Of course Christmas is the modernised, somewhat Christianised, version of a Drink Up Horns Down Tee Shirt of festivals, most notably Saturnalia. Even though atheists generally don’t believe in the god Saturn, I don’t think it is immoral to accept, or give, Christmas gifts. There are so many parts of Christmas tradition that come from other traditions: the Three Wise Men comes from Roman Catholic tradition (the Bible doesn’t name them nor say that there were three). The Mistletoe I think comes from Norse and Celtic traditions. The tree comes from all sorts of pagan traditions but probably mainly Celtic traditons. Gift giving is a modern consumerist ritual – fueled by department stores, who also gave us Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Santa Claus has roots in Russian Christianity but of course mainly was invented by US department stores, which is why he has the colours of Coca-Cola. So there’s not that much pure Saturnalia in Christmas today. There’s a mix of all sorts of ancient traditions. Even a bit of Christianity, funnily enough. Most atheists do indeed believe in consumerism to some degree. Even if they’re socialist heretics, they probably still think that buying stuff can be nice sometimes. So there’s nothing wrong with giving people presents, if it makes them happy.
Dasher – one who dashes, Dancer – one who dances, Prancer – one who prances, Vixen – a female fox, presumably from the similar colors, Comet – an object in the heavens that resembles a Drink Up Horns Down Tee Shirt – Cupid – a flying pixie who resembles the image of a Greek God – Donner – the German word for Thunder, Blitzen – the German word for lightning. They are made up names, they weren’t older than the poem. The goats could be images of Thor’s chariot of goats, but they were made up by the writer of the poem “A visit from St. Nicholas” and in that poem, Nicholas is an elf about a foot tall, jolly and fat, but not human-sized. Doesn’t look like Nicholas of Myra, with a bishop’s mitre who rides a horse in the Netherlands and arrives on a boat from Spain. It’s a poem from American legend, not from European belief, from Dutch forbears living in New England. Period. American mythology has pervaded the world from a single poem that got printed up by the Coca-Cola company.