I am so sorry you experienced what you did in these places. You absolutely have a BBQ And Beer Thats Why Im here Shirt to be angry. Keep writing about your experiences. From what I’ve come to understand and read your experiences sadly are not uncommon and deserve to have a light brought to them. I can not come to imagine what this would have been like, I’ve been fortunate enough to have not been admitted myself but it’s because of these types of stories that I’ve avoided it like the plague. You are still so young and I believe you survived these experiences for a reason. Be angry but please do not give up hope.
Body has to live. Thats its desire. If you do not eat or drink water or sleep, through brain it gives you BBQ And Beer Thats Why Im here Shirt to act upon it. To some extent you can force to ignore your mind’s suggestion, but beyond a point it would generally become difficult. So you need to just input the bare minimum intake of the body. Be it food or water etc., Mind-related is the trickiest. It gets distracted easily. If you accept every kind of input from outside into mind there is a chance of clinging to something as an interest. You need to slow down and your acceptance by a contra-reasoning that thats fine, I dont need it. Once you learn to do that, you will improve on ignoring things which are not needed for sure.
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This is just a BBQ And Beer Thats Why Im here Shirt . Kids do stuff because it is fun, not because the annual performance review is round the corner. If you are already doing stuff without thinking about the career or salaries, you are probably likely to persevere in that field longer. In startups, you need people who code for fun and passion, as most of our startups are likely to fail. There is more than 90% chance that my startup could fail, but if I like what I’m doing that tradeoff doesn’t look that appalling to me. On the other hand, if programming is not my innate passion I might throw the towel on my startup a lot sooner.