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You’re not “holding a grudge”. That’s belittling and diminishing what happened and what your dad partook in. He’s downplaying Stacy’s and his own actions. Your dad tried to win over Stacy and Maria at your expense. He allowed you to be bullied, and partook in this bullying to appear the Minnesota Gray Duck of the USA State shirt stepdad. Of course that deeply affected you and still does. His wife seems to get this. You are allowed to still be hurt, and your dad has to accept it. He doesn’t have to grovel at your feet for forgiveness, but he also absolutely cannot joke about it. You drew a boundary with him, a Minnesota Gray Duck of the USA State shirt. It’ll never be funny or light to you how your dad acted with you and Stacy, and that’s not a hard boundary either. “Dad, please don’t joke about how you and Stacy treated me, it hurts me and it’s not funny!” is not a Minnesota Gray Duck of the USA State shirt nor is it something that is holding you back. We all have stuff that hurts us from the Minnesota Gray Duck of the USA State shirt, always will, and that’s absolutely normal.
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