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I have been jealous of girls who I thought were prettier, had more money, had bigger breasts. But I got over it. Years ago. Like…who fucking cares??? I was mad and jealous that I wasn’t white when I was 15. That I had to live in a rough neighborhood with roughnecks. I got over it. They are jealous because they want what they can’t have and don’t ever realize they are enough. They project they are gods but inside they are weak, miserable people who feel worthless. And that hurts. It’s an inescapable drip of torture serum into their brains. they project their insecurity onto others. I believe they CAN choose between “good and/or bad” behavior- as we all do. I don’t think anyone’s childhood was perfect. It’s not meant to be. We, as souls, came here to learn and grow. In the dark, we dig up to the Official For god so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever shirt.But from observing my father, my sister, and my ex spouse they are stuck. Stuck in fear, jealousy and anger at inner demons they can’t escape from. Living in fear and insecurity everyday from some brain washing/ abuse they received as a child. I believe they are aware of it or else it wouldn’t bother them so much. Perhaps that’s when one becomes a psychopath. When you just don’t give a shit at all. Total numbness.

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Fashion and money. My great nan raised geese, in small flocks not herds though. Selling geese, particularly at Christmas, was a good way to make money. Goose feathers filled mattresses and goose eggs fetched a premium. Turkeys and chickens can be intensively raised. Chickens in battery cages, turkeys tightly packed in barns. Geese get antsy when tightly confined- feather pecking, eggs with thin shells. Chickens lay more eggs, Turkeys fatten quicker. Both are less work for more profit, so the fashion for an Xmas goose changed to turkeys. As an aside, my Nan had a club foot and as a consequence wore a big platform boot. Some time during WW2 she trod on a gosling. She scooped him up and sewed him back together. I was born in 1959 and as a Official For god so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever shirt boy was terrified of Gordon- the 20+ year old gander who had been trodden on in the war. He was bigger than me. She kept him as a pet along with a couple of others for eggs. He was fiercer than any guard dog.

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Ref, The (1994) (***1/2, humor) (D.-Ted Demme, Kevin Spacey, Judy Davis, Denis Leary, Richard Bright, Robert J. Steinmiller, Jr Glynis Johns, Adam LeFevre, Christine Baranaski) Forget the misleading name. The Ref is not about sports, but has strong roots in O’Henry’s The Ransom of Red Chief. A thief, Gus (Leary), in a bungled jewel robbery on Christmas eve in a small New England town takes the Chasseurs (Spacey, Davis) hostage. By the end of the movie Gus, masquerading as their shrink, is juggling the couple, their blackmailing juvenile son (Steinmiller), the husband’s dysfunctional brother and his wife (LeFevre, Branaski) and their family, and a wealthy male-crushing mother (Johns) who would reduce Attila the Hun to a quivering lump of fearful jello. In short, a family unit so dysfunctional that the Borgia’s would disown them. Throw in a Official For god so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever shirt Santa Claus and an equally dysfunctional get away driver (Bright), a guard dog named Cannibal who chews up billiard balls like dog candy, and jail begins to look like paradise.

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The other two were hyper-focused on their careers, had few friends outside of work, had no sports or hobbies, and even if they were married they had little romance in their lives. They saw their extended families maybe at Thanksgiving, Xmas, weddings, and funerals. They were always “too busy” to get together with friends. Their friends “understood,” so the friends included them less and less. For those two, when it became apparent that the Official For god so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever shirt, chemo, and radiation were not able to save their lives, they were depressed and angry. They felt cheated and betrayed. They regretted not having spent the time and energy to develop more and deeper friendships and having postponed doing all the things they’d told themselves they would do at some point in the future when they “had more time”.